The Code (Not) In Action #3 – Daniel Collins

By | June 27, 2012
Fart Hater

Daniel Collins – Fart Intolerant Gun Owner

Today’s role model is Daniel Collins: Firearms owner and fart-hater.  Yep, he’s different because he doesn’t like farts.  So lets set the stage:  He’s in his apartment minding his own business when his manners-challenged neighbor toots hi butt-trumpet right in front of his door!  Evidently this is not the first time he’s done it and our good friend Danial Collins has been pushed over the edge and can take it no more.  He confronts Mr. McMannerless in the vestibule like any sensible gun owner would.


So here’s the rub:  Would you confront someone who repeatedly farts in front of your door? Maybe.  Would you do it at gun point?  I think not. 

The Code

covers this situation quite well:

#1 I will never THREATEN to use my firearm unless I feel the need to use it.

Drawing your firearm is a threat.  It’s that simple.  And no fart (no matter how noxious) is threatening enough to need a firearm to defend yourself with.

#2 I will strive to maintain emotional control in any situation.

This is exactly why this rule is here:  People get upset of STUPID things (like farts) and the do STUPID things like drawing a gun on someone.  While the situations we need a firearms for will put our emotions to the max (and perhaps over the edge) we need to maintain that emotional control as long as possible to ensure that we make sound decisions.

#3 I will comply with all regulations regarding my firearm.

Threatening people with a firearm without good cause is against the law. DUH!

#5 I will do my best to prevent or de-escalate a fight whether I have started it or not.

In this case he could have prevented the fight by not worrying about his neighbor’s harmless actions.

#9 I will never let the muzzle cover anything I am not willing destroy or kill.

If he was really willing to kill his neighbor over a fart, then he doesn’t have the mental capacity to own a gun.  Sorry.

Thankfully, he didn’t fire his weapon, that saves me from quoting another 3 rules and will lessen the jail time he will receive.  Fortunately for us he will probably never be allowed to own another gun, which is good because then he would probably act stupid again and contribute to the Brady’s campaign statistics, and we wouldn’t want them to have honest numbers to fight us with, would you?

See Also:

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